I snuck into the bathroom while my husband was showering, opened the curtain when his head was covered in water and he couldn’t see me, and grabbed his privates. He screamed like a little girl. IMMD.
One of the five year olds I watch asked me this morning if Chris Brown was a bad word. IMMD.
I told my dad that I went to a “gentleman’s club”. My dad said that I’ve turned into an upright sophisticated man. I don’t think he knows what I meant. IMMD
Fave Comment
… How much did he emphasize the ‘upright’? -Belgaer
I went to what I thought would be boring a corporate training meeting. An hour in, someone made a shart joke. Then the guy who made it had to, in front of the group, explain what a shart was. The VP laughed so hard he cried and almost fell out of his chair. IMMD.
I passed a dirty car badly parked so that it took up almost 2 spaces. I was mad ’cause I wanted to park there. So I wrote in the dirt “CRAP PARKING JOB, DUDE.” I came back by 6 hours later to find three more messages saying stuff like “Yeah, FUCKER” IMMD.
The guy I dated in high school had a certifiably CRAZY mother who used to treat me like garbage, call me names, tell me I was “ruining her son’s life,” and make me cry. I ran into her in court. She was the defendant; I was the prosecutor. IMMD!
The receptionist where I work was doing everything in her power to get me fired because she wanted my job, so I left a copy of my work goals on the copier so she would see it – #7 was assist in evaluating receptionist’s performance. She quit a week later. IMMD
While I was playing with my rather large dog of whom my neighbors are afraid of, I picked up a fluffy dandelion and blew on it. He then proceeded to yelp and run away with his tail between his legs and hid under my car. IMMD
I just talked to someone with the last name Butsavage IMMD.
I asked my grandpa if he was going to fly back for Christmas with the family, and he snorted and said “yeah, in my ROFLCOPTER.” IMMD.
Today, I drove by Alliance Drive to discover that someone had spray-painted out ‘Alliance’ and written HORDE RULES!!!!. IMMD.
Fave Comment
… Would have been better if it had said “INDEPENDENTS!” or “BROWNCOATS!”. – Kate
I was arguing with a customer about how condescending she was being. She then claimed “You’re just on your period!” I denied it, her statement having been false. She stormed off. What did I see? Blood running down the seam of her pants. Not being able to contain my laughter, I fell to the floor. IMMD.
Fave Comment
… You made her so angry that she miscarried? – Lurker
My brother is 8 and I am 24. I was kissing my boyfriend in front of him when I looked over and he says “It’s ok I know all about that stuff… I’ve seen Titanic.” IMMD
I draw blood in a clinical laboratory. All of our tests have four letter codes. Today someone was having blood drawn for a LAMO test. IMMD.
“Mom, your cremated bacon’s actually pretty good.” said my 10 yr old son as he picked at the burned bits. IMMD
