My friend and I got locked out of his car, with his new camera in it. Not wanting to wait 45 minutes for a tow truck or leave the car alone, my friend ran into a dry-cleaners for one of their cheap wire hangers. We straightened it out, slipped it through the car door molding and unlocked it from the inside. We had an audience and a father asked us if we wouldn’t mind teaching his 5 year old son ‘how it’s done’.
Submitted by: Julia
My 7 year old daughter loves hip hop dance, so we were watching a Black Eyed Peas video looking for dance moves she could try. We watched Fergie do a brief G-rated routine and I suggested she try it. "But mom," she protested, "I’d be embarrassed to dance around in my underwear like that." IMMD
Submitted by: DieselWeasel
While discussing famous persons who underwent taxidermy after death in my ethics class, Lenin was brought up. Immediately after mentioning his name someone in the back of the room says "Wait, John Lennon is stuffed and mounted in MOSCOW?!?!?!" IMMD.
Submitted by: JellyBarbosa
My relatives had tickets to a play at a fancy theatre one evening. We got all nicely dressed up in formal attire and started to head out. Right as we pulled out of the driveway, my aunt happens to look at the tickets again and realizes its actually for the next night. Bummed out, as we pull back into the garage my little cousin says, "So this is what they mean by ‘All dressed up.. and no where to go." IMMD.
Submitted by: Tina
At work I overheard a call center employee verify a customer’s personal information. ‘What’s your address? Can I get a good daytime number? Five? No, five is not a good daytime telephone number.’ IMMD
Submitted by: Krumpet
My literature professor was describing aesthetic beauty in writing on the first day of class when all of a sudden he stopped dead, staring out the window and says "That’s a yellow bellied sapsucker!! Do you guys wanna come over and see?!" The entire class roared in laughter. IMMD
Submitted by: ChrissyinLHU
I was standing in the check out line at Walmart and saw this little kid shooting everyone with finger guns,I shot back and he played dead IMMD.
Submitted by: Katie
I saw a guy in a Superman hoodie jogging with another guy in a Batman hoodie. IMMD.
Submitted by: Jamal
I work at the local county jail. Upon performing random cell searches I found an inmate to be in possession of the entire Twilight series of books. I was just about to laugh when the entire cell block of “hardened criminals” defended it calling it the most romantic books they’ve ever read. I hate Twilight but IMMD
Submitted by: ele5ment
Last week at work, we completed putting together a huge picture of New York using 36 printed pages of portions of the image. When I came in on Monday, someone had made a little King Kong and placed it on the top of the Empire State Building. IMMD
Submitted by: Adrian
Someone spamming a forum was asked, "Are you a bot or just incredibly stupid?" He replied, "I’m not a bot." IMMD.
Submitted by: Mistletoe
I was stopped at a light in the Left Turn Only lane. The guy in front of me, who was driving a brand new Maxima, was ahead of the line where you’re supposed to stop. A school bus made the right and almost hit him, so he started swearing up and down. The bus driver stopped his bus, slid down his window, and calmly told him that that’s what the white line was for. IMMD
Submitted by: Torti Mama
My friend knows I don’t like sharing drinks with others cause it can make you sick. Yesterday, my friend stole my half-drunk water bottle and finished it; today, I heard him coughing and hacking in the back of class. I had a cold. IMMD
Submitted by: meany007
Today, I got a text from a random number that said "Baby come back! you can blame it all on me! i am nothing living in this world without you!" IMMD.
Submitted by: Nicole
I sent my fiance a IM of I Love you. He promptly replied with STALKER! IMMD
Submitted by: Jess
