Best quotes ever
Top 50 Funniest Quotes of all time

Top 50 Funniest Quotes of all time

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston S. Churchill

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

– Abraham Lincoln

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

– Abraham Lincoln

“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”

– Al McGuire

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

– Alan Dundes

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

– Albert Camus

Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson

I’m addicted to placebos. Steven Wright Click to tweet

I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Pablo Picasso

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

– Albert Einstein

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

– Albert Einstein

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”

– Alexander Woollcott

“ Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller

Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Albert Einstein

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

– Anonymous

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

– Clint Eastwood

“Some people just have a way with words, and other people … oh … not have the way.”

Steve Martin

“Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!”

– Jeffrey Gitomer

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

– Lily Tomlin

Sane is boring. R.A. Salvatore

“If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?”

– Jerry Seinfeld

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.”

– Robert Frost

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

– George Bernard Shaw

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